You Are Not A Journalist If...

Ah yes, the old media credential application process. Here's a tip. Having internet access does NOT make you a journalist. You will not be credentialed if:

you’re not interested in an athlete’s human-interest angles because, “that doesn’t matter. All he has to do is win.” Do not ever contact me again.
you work for free. “I do it for the love of the sport!” No. Just no.
you're expecting a cred because you manage a Facebook page, tweet or do “behind-the-scenes video” for your YouTube channel with 200 subscribers. Take your trolls elsewhere.
you tell me, "but I'm providing exposure!" Exposure is my fluff word. Not yours.
you argue, “but you have room in the media section! What could it hurt?” My brand. That's what! Letting a fan-pretending-to-be-a-journalist sit in the media section cheapens my brand.
you tell me you're covering for PerezHilton.com or another big outlet because you're betting that I'll be stupid enough to believe you at your word. When I call/email an editor at the outlet to confirm you're covering for them, and they have no idea who you are, congratulations. Now you're dead to both of us.
you simply show up and expect full access because you're "shooting a documentary." If I had a buck for every student who thought he was Fellini...learn about "rights."
you don’t understand why I insist on pre-event coverage.
you show up to the event without a laptop or camera. Get out.
you answer, "for myself" when I ask who you're covering for. That is not an answer.